{    Cnytr   }

{Wednesday, February 26, 2003  }

Weeeelllllll... I had an appointment with Sgt W yesterday. I am now aanoyed at him, and at that whole office in general. :P I TOLD him that SSG G came off way too pushy for me, I TOLD him what my intentions were. I said point-blank in my email to him that I am NOT going to enlist this year, or in the coming year. I'm going COLLEGE, darnit, cos I've got SCHOLARships and STUFF. I want to have a normal college experience for a while, I like the atmosphere and the people at UDallas. I am going to UDallas. However I would like his take on ROTC and OCS and the possiblity of enlisting after college. But no no no, it was all enlist NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW... because 4 years down the line, he won't be a recruiter and he won't get his promotion. :P I mean, I swear, he even said that the 98X enlistment option may not be guaranteed in 4 years. Like they'd run out of room for linguists. It's possible, but the chance is so slim as to be utterly ridiculous. His spin on OCS was negative, he told me nothing about ROTC (but then I expected this), but he was just as pushy if not MORE pushy than SSG G, and he tried to make me feel bad personally for not wanting to enlist now. He wasn't interested in helping me find answers, he was interested in himself, what he had to say, his promotion, etc. Sigh. So I am mad at all enlisted above the rank of E-3. The morons. :P Officers all the way, baby. [G] (okay that is like THE dumbest thing to say...)

So hearing what he had to say about OCS and enlisting (I know I want to skip the enlisted ranks) only strengthened my resolve to do ROTC, and do ROTC right away, as soon as possible. So I brought this up to mom, who cowed all over again. I thought she was beyond the cowing phase, but apparently not. She cowed SO much that she dragged me to dad to have him tell me how awful the military is for me and whatnot. Dad had some smart things to say, but he seems to think that once I'm out of college and have a degree they'll automatically make me an officer. Whatever changes the Army undergoes, that is unrealistic, I'm pretty sure. Besides, I'd rather be prepared as an officer, undergo the training whilst I'm young and impressionable, give the lessons time to sink in. And if I don't like it in two years, as I've said before, I can still get out before my junior year. But they opposed so adamantly that it was EXTRMEly disheartnening. I thought for sure that dad would at least partially back me up, but he didn't. The only thing he backed up on was his word: he said if I waited a semester at college, we would discuss it over Christmas break. Then he changed it to a *year*, he wants me to wait a year. In Sophomore year, I go off to Rome for a semester, so I would have exactly one semester of ROTC. No thank you. Only one semester to decide?

I know my parents have a lot of wisdom and experience behind them, and I should listen to them (and I swear I do) I... I don't agree with them here. Perhaps I'm being upstartish. Perhaps I'm right. Being ruled by ones parents 100% of the time is not always the best thing to do. Where does one draw the line? Am I being utterly foolish? Am I being flat-out insuboordinate? Am I wrong? I don't know. But I'm pushing onward in the case that I am right. I really don't know what's best to do here. That's what I'm doing, for good or ill. If I drop out in 2 years and they point and say "I told you so", then so be it. I will live with that, knowing it was my decision and my mistake and not anybody else's, and I will learn from it. However think of the triumph an' I were to go all the way through and become a good 2LT and a good leader. But of course, I won't do it solely to turn around and say "I told you so" to others. I hate that.

I am so tired. I am ready for a break. I'm tired of school, I just don't want to do anything anymore, I'm upset about this issue, my sister is upset with me because she thinks I absolutely hate babysitting and don't want to do it anymore (while babysitting is not my favorite thing in the world, I don't mind doing it, and would rather continue than not), I feel like such a bad student and I'm letting all my teachers down, and I ... I just want a break from routine. I wish I could take a week and a half off, a week to do whatever and see people and do stuff, and then half a week to catch up and recover the learning-zeal I once had. It has just been a rough semester so far for some reason. I'm not sure. Other people have it much worse than I do. In fact, I really SHOULD just shut the heck up and deal with it. But blogs are nice for whining, eh?

Jon will be home on spring break soonish, and I'll get to see him then, so that's a comfort. I'll see if Steph wants to go see a movie with me sometime (I still haven't seen Chicago, and I'd like to), and ... darnit, I haven't talked to Eleanor in a while. Neither have I talked to John Esposito. He's been sick, and I haven't TALKED to him in THREE DARNED WEEKS, which is unheard-of. (Usually I call him every week, either Friday or Saturday, and we talk for a longlonglong time about all sorts of cool philosophical stuff.)

Friends are awesome. They make one feel all warm and fuzzy when the warm-fuzziness seems impossible.

So the rest of today is to be spent doing Greek and Greek and Greek. I ought to get it done early so I can hurry up and read Billy Buidd for APE, as I'm only ... five pages into it. Haha. [G] Ugh. It's becoming harder and harder to focus on the literature and draw out of it what I used to be able to draw out. (bleh, terrible phrasing) Even when I do give myself enough time and sit down with the book... it just won't come. Can't dig. I don't know what's wrong with me. *shakes blogger by the collar* WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

Didn't I say I was going to stop whining? Okay I'm stopping now. See? *stops*

LOL Mag sent the funniest poem to the Latin class the other day. It's half English, half Latin. Perfectly Dogberry-ish! I just have to post it. [G] If you don't get the Latin, click here for a bit of cheat-help. It's just too funny. [G] And then once you get the Latin words, reread it with them in mind. Here it is --

(btw "possum" is a pun... don't worry if you don't get it, take it in the English Opossum sense )

Carmen Possum

The Nox was lit by lux of Luna
And 'twas a nox most opportuna
To catch a possum or a coona;

For nix was scattered o'er this mundus,
A shallow nix, et non profundus.
On sic a nox with canis unus
Two boys went out to hunt for coonus.
The corpus of this bonus canis
Was full as long as octo span is
But brevior legs had canis never
Quam bad hic dog; et bonus clever.
Some used to say, in stultum jocum
Quod a field was too small locum
For sic a dog to make a turnus
Circum self from stem to sternus*

Unis canis, duo puer,
Nunquam braver, nunquam truer
Quam hoc trio nunquam fuit
If there was I never knew it.
This bonus dog had one bad habit.
Amabat much to tree a rabbit,
Amabat plus to chase a rattus,
Amabat bene tree a cattus.

But on this nixy moonlight night
This old canus did just right.
Nunquam treed a starving rattus,
Nunquam chased a starving cattus,
But succurrit on intentus
On the track and on the scentum
Till he trees a possum strongum
In a hollow trunkum longum.

Loud he barked an horrid bellum
Seemed on terra vehit pellum
Quickly ran the duo puer
Mors of possum to secure.
Quam venerit, one began
To chop away like quisque man
Soon the axe went through the truncum
Soon he hit it all kerchunkum
Combat deepens, on ye braves!

Canis, pueri et staves
As his powers non longius carry
Possum potest, non pugnare
On the nix his corpus lieth
Down to Hades spirit flieth.

Joyful pueri, canis bonus,
Think him dead as any stonus
Now they seek their pater's domo
Feeling proud as any homo
Knowing, certe, they will blossom
Into heroes, when with possum
They arrive, narrabunt story
Plenus blood et plenior glory.

Pompey, David, Samson, Caesar
Cyrus, Black Hawk, Shalmanezer!
Tell me where est now the gloria
Where the honors of victoria?
Nunc a domum narrent story
Plenus sanguine, tragic, gory.

Pater praiseth, likewise mater
Wonders greatly younger frater
Possum leave they on the mundus
Go themselves to sleep profundus
Somniunt possums slain in battle
Strong as ursae, large as cattle.

When nox gives way to lux of morning
Albam terram much adorning
Up they jump to see the varmen
Of the which this is the carmen.

Lo! possum est resurrectum
Ecce pueri dejectum
Ne relinquit back behind him
Et the pueri never find him
Cruel possum! bestia vilest
How the pueros thou beguiles
Pueri think non plus of Caesar
Go ad Orcum, Shalmanezer
Take your laurels, cum the honor
Since ista possum is a goner!
-- Anonymous

*cracks up*

Love you all! *blows kisses*
posted by Lauren, 1:51 PM | link

{Tuesday, February 25, 2003  }

Today I have an appointment with Sgt W to talk about Army stuff. I really have a lot of questions that need (preliminary) answers by someone who's there. However, Sgt W being a Sgt (an E-5, I'm assuming, though I could be wrong -- SSG G introduced himself to me as Sgt G, and his card said Sgt Grimes, yet he's an E-6) can't exactly give me information on OCS from personal experience. Blaaaaah. Well, I told him up-front that I'm not enlisting before college is out which is a reason, if he's self-interested only, not to help me at all. We'll see how this goes. I want answers. And I think I might do ROTC anyway. We'll see.
posted by Lauren, 12:20 PM | link

{Monday, February 24, 2003  }

So. Daredevil. That movie. Good. Well. I think. We think. Still not sure. It's certainly much darker than previous comic-book movies, and it has nothing of the great message of Spiderman. In fact I'm wondering about the moral implications of the whole character. I think I like the movie because the fight scenes were cool. But even then, some were a bit savage for me. Strictly in the cinematic sense and comparatively to both Spiderman and X-men (and some of Superman -- I haven't seen any Batman movies, alas), it was a better *movie*, as it had nothing of the silliness that was occasionally present in all, Spiderman especially. It was certainly much more sad, and more unpredictable. I think I like it. I'm not sure.
posted by Lauren, 5:08 PM | link

{Tuesday, February 18, 2003  }

Yeah. So. I hate this stage of my life, it's so uncertain (dad said, "welcome to senior year"). And I thought for sure I'd have everything all figured out by this time. I swore I would not get senioritis. I would NOT stress out or freak out. Uh-uh. Not me. Which is why I started looking at colleges in sophomore year, had a list of 5 I definitely wanted to attend at the beginning of junior year, applied and got accepted first semester of senior year. All set. Financial aid: covered. Boom, all set before January.

Then I decided to enter the military.

Well, I think I decided. [G] I decided to consider. Hahaaa. Now things have gotten a lot more complicated. With ROTC, mom and dad really don't want me to do it my first semester of college, as, being a homeschooler, I ought to get to know this 100% different life on its own terms first. And I see the wisdom in their words. However the opposing view is that, if I waste time (missing two semesters if I don't do it right away, as I'll miss the spring semester of sophomore year studying in Europe), I'll have to do Basic Camp (not Basic Training. And please note, it's called Basic Training -- Boot Camp is for the Marines. They also call NCOs "sir" *rolls eyes*) where I'll go away in the summer for a few weeks and learn all the stuff I missed out on. Right. That'd be fine, I suppose. Mom's just terrified about me being away from home for too long. I had to assure her that ROTC wouldn't be eating up my spring breaks or something (and it wouldn't -- it's a shortish weekly time commitment).

However now I'm thinking perhaps I should hold off on entering that way, as they can't guarantee my MOS (Military Occupational Specialty). I would be happy doing anything in MI. I'd be happiest as a linguist -- I really want to go off to the Defense Language Institute and learn Korean. And while there's a good chance I'll get my MOS, there's still the gamble they could stick me in something *exceedingly* dull like artillery. They'll put me where they need me.

Now if I were to enlist, my MOS would be pretty much guaranteed. However I don't want to deal with enlisted ranks. Blah. I want to be an officer and boss people around and stuff. Hahahaa. [G] I could be an officer doing ROTC, duh: I'd graduate a second lieutenant (2LT). The other idea is to enlist after college when, said some online recruiters at goarmy.com , I would be an SP4 (specialist) -- still in the enlisted ranks. Then I could apply to OCS, which is very competative, but not in the way that Harvard and Oxford etc are. Rather, the allocation for officers is rather small. This stinks.

Another option is being a Warrant officer. This I know less about, but I'd be willing to give it a shot.

I wish I could go and talk to a recruiter, but SGT G here is so pushy. I'm a number to add to his quota and not a civilian looking for military direction. There are human recruiters out there, though. MAJ S, the ROTC recruiter for UTA, is really very human and not nearly so pushy.

So right now my plan is to do the first obligtion-free years of ROTC, and enlist after college. But if I don't get to OCS...? Then ... augh. I suppose I'll try again, and again if necessary. And/or maybe Warrant Officer training...?

Wretched indecisions.

If only I could have applied to West Point (it's far too late now). Alas, that would have to mean I'm 100% sure about the military. Which, for all this, I'm not. I really really admire the Army, and I have for quite a long time. I never really thought it was possible for me to join, though, and I thought this in sadness. However, as I think I've mentioned, seeing Alipie prep for NROTC has given me hope, and I pursue this path with zeal. I do leave the door open for myself in case I am wrong, as I very well might be. Of course, from right here, I don't think I am, but I don't want to prematurely trap myself anywhere.

But West Point is really cool. And you graduate with a commission, of course. I wonder if it's possible, after doing UDallas, to apply to West Point? Hahahaaa... I don't think so.

Some thingies before I go:

Army OCS
The United States Military Academy at West Point
Warrant Officer Recruiting

For reference: RANKS:

E-1Private (PV-1)PVT
E-2Private (PV-2)PVT
E-3Private First ClassPFC
E-6Staff SergeantSSG
E-7Sergeant First ClassSFC/PSG
E-8Master/First SergeantMSG/1SG
E-9Command Sergeant MajorSMG/CMG
(Special)Sergeant Major of the ArmySMA


O-1Second Lieutenant2LT
O-2First Lieutenant1LT
O-5Lieutenant ColonelLTC
O-7Brigadier GeneralBG
O-8Major GeneralMG
O-9Lieutenant GeneralLG
(Special)General of the Army

For a list of insignia, click here
posted by Lauren, 10:12 PM | link

{Monday, February 17, 2003  }

This is Abe:

This is me:

This is me and Abe:

This is SarahMc:

And Sinfest rules.
posted by Lauren, 9:47 PM | link | 0 comments

{Tuesday, February 11, 2003  }

Undoubtedly the greatest picture known to mankind:

posted by Lauren, 5:25 PM | link | 0 comments

bbbrbrbbrrbbrbrbrbrbbrbrbrbrbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... *sticks fork in electrical socket to make self own source of warmth*

Iiiiiiit's cooooooooold!!!!! *eats soup* *eats ice cream* *eats chocolate* *drinks warm hot chocolate* *sits around next to fireplace* *gets fat*

You know the best chocolate stuff in the whole entire world (excluding Italian Baci) is Hersheys -- every Easter, they make candy-coated milk chocolate eggs that are SOOOOOOO YUMMY! Mom buys a TON and hoardes/hides them all year. Having a slight chocolate craving, I bugged her and I GOT some!!! SCORE!

I don't know why I'm writing here for the second time today. :P Oh wait! Yes I do! The Stress Song!

I'm addicted to stress, that's the way that I get things done
If I'm not under pressure then I sleep too long
And I hang around like a bum
I think I'm going nowhere and that makes me nervouse
Everybody's out to get me but I feel alright
Everybody's out to get me but I feel alright
Everybody's out to get me but I feel alright
Everybody's thinkin' bout me....

I'm trying to cut down on my caffeine consumption so when I wake up I just have one cup of coffee and I like to have another cup of coffee with my breakfast and on the way to work I like to get a cup of coffee that you get with doughnuts except I never get the doughnuts I just have a cup of coffee and when I get to work I like to have a cup of coffee because I like to have a cup of coffee when I'm talking on the phone except then it usually goes cold so I have to get another cup of coffee then it's lunch and I have an espresso. When I get back, it's not morning anymore so I have a diet cola and another diet cola and I'm feeling pretty wired and getting things done but then right around 2 I get this little tiny migrane -- it starts behind my eyes and it moves to the back of my neck and goes to the bottom of my spine, but it doesn't get there till 5 or 6 o'clock which is the end of the day so I'm fine, so I'M FINE!! SO I'm FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I'm fine... so I'm fine except for when I have to work late.... which I usually do.

I love to work I love to run I love to play real hard, I love to steal little things from the grocery store like a piece of bubblegum or sometimes I just stick my thumb in a peach and leave it there. I love to work I love to run I love to waterski, snowboard, jet ski, sky dive, parasail, hanglide, rollerblade, mountainbike, bungee jump -- I mean I'd love to do these things if I ever had the time. I love to work I love to work I love to work out and spend a little time with this person I'm seeing except we don't have a lot of time to spend together so we call each other up and we talk about work. But what I think I'd really love is to go all by myself to a little tiny island in the middle of the ocean with just me and a book and a cellphone and a personal computer incase anything came up and I could eat and I'd drink and I'd run and I'd sleep and I'd wouldn't do nothin' cept swim all day cept my beeper doesn't work under water, where would the -- SHARKS, where would the SHARKS -- where would the SHARKS and there's this kind of ANEMONE that sticks in your FOOT and the poison goes up to your BRAIN and you DIE! And SAND FLEAS, SAND FLEAS, EEWWWW! Actually, I think that would be really relaxing. Just me by myself, in the middle of the ocean, and that's what I'd really love to do more than anything else, except I'd probably hate it.

[That is "The Stress Song" by Jim's Big Ego. Undoubtedly the greatest song known to mankind.]
posted by Lauren, 5:05 PM | link | 0 comments

{Sunday, February 09, 2003  }

I'm not a poet, and it's 2:30 in the morning. :P Well, I was a poet, once. But then I realized just how bad I am at poetry in general. Sigh. But I like to read it. I think Houseman is one of my favorite modern poets, and because this entry has been a bit cloudy, I'll post a hopeful quote from my favorite poem (by Houseman), Terrence, this is stupid stuff:

Therefore, since the world has still

Much good, but much less good than ill,

And while the sun and moon endure

Luck's a chance, but trouble's sure,

I'd face it as a wise man would,

And train for ill and not for good.

'Tis true, the stuff I bring for sale

Is not so brisk a brew as ale:

Out of a stem that scored the hand

I wrung it in a weary land.

But take it: if the snack is sour,

The better for the embittered hour;

It should do good to heart and head

When your soul is in my soul's stead;

And I will friend you, if I may,

In the dark and cloudy day

posted by Lauren, 2:31 AM | link

{Wednesday, February 05, 2003  }

Haaaaappy birthday to meeee, happy birthday to meeeee, happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, happy birthday to me! I am 18, I'm legal! Bwaha!
posted by Lauren, 4:20 PM | link