{    Cnytr   }

{Wednesday, April 30, 2003  }

Wow, well, it's been a few days since my last post. A few busy/crazy/hectic/stressful days.... whew! Well, we had the kids for the weekend as I mentioned, and I love my niece and nephews, but they're a real handful. I ended up watching the three of them by myself more than once. Aye carumba! So that was craaaaazy. Even on Saturday, when we had like 30 college students over from the UVA Catholic Student Ministry and whatnot. A few of them watched the twins (Grace was at Stephanie's house), and I felt the need to run all around after various people to make sure they were *okay* with the twins and whatnot. After they went to bed, though, I was able to kick back a bit and play a miserable game of croquet with Lauren and a few of the other students. I met a first year named Catherine who is also studying the classics, and we started talking about Latin and Greek and Catullus and stuff and that was fun, it's always nice to meet another classicist. Usually when people ask me what I'm studying and I say the classics, they're like "huh?" or "what can you do with that?" -- the latter question is the most annoying in the world, and I really hate it. :P Especially when they follow it up with "teach?" -- "What can you do with that? teach?" Uuuuugh. :P

So we sat around and told jokes, and I have a funny one for you ... an old lady walks into an icecream place and says "Yes, I'd like a quart of vanilla, a quart of strawberry, and a quart of chocolate," and the guy says "I'm sorry, we're fresh out of chocolate." So the lady says "oh, okay, that's alright, just give me three quarts of vanilla, three quarts of strawberry, and three quarts of chocolate." The guy says "excuse me, ma'am, we don't have any chocolate." "Oh, well in that case, I'll have a gallon of vanilla, a gallon of strawberry, and a gallon of chocolate." "Ma'am, we don't have any chocolate!" "Then I'll have two gallons of vanilla, two gallons of strawberry, and two gallons of chocolate." "Ma'am, how can I communicate this to you? We have no chocolate!!!" the guy is obviously starting to get frustrated, but the old lady goes on ... "well, all I want is three gallons of vanilla, three gallons of strawberry, and three gallons of chocolate!" "THERE ISN'T ANY CHOCOLATE -- look, can you spell the 'van' in 'vanilla'?" he asks. "Why, of course I can! V-A-N." "Now, can you spell the 'straw' in 'strawberry'?" "Indeed yes -- S-T-R-A-W." "Can you spell the 'frig' in 'chocolate'?" "What kind of a question is that? There is no 'frig' in chocolate!" "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!" HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAA! Get it? "There is no friggin' chocolate"? HAHAHAAA!

Tuesday I had my senior pictures taken -- the place was a longish way away... I haven't had pictures taken in years [I hate 'em] so mom wanted some nice ones. Mom ought to have come with me, but she couldn't for various reasons. So I went by myself. :P And I got there a bit too early and ... stuff. So but it took a long long time. Those pictures had better be good, dangit. [g] I don't like smiling on command :P so they probably aren't, really. Now I know why I'm not a model. I don't like being fussed with and painted with so much makeup I look like a doll and having my hair sprayed so much it's stiff and having people look at me and move me and just sort of sit there docilely and take it all and smile. Ugh. Also I hate falsity, and I hate the falsity of styrofoam props painted to look like stone or something. That sounds really silly, but that sort of thing annoys me to NO END. I intensely dislike the illusory or false. This is partially why I hate amusement parks: Disney World, Kings Dominion, Busch Gardens... they're big and loud and fake. UGH! Fortunately there was only one set of pictures with false flowers and a fake Roman arch. There was even one picture of me outside with a pretty nature-y background, and a pose with (real) flowers. Yay.

Anyway, so after all that, I drove home FAMISHED, as I realized I hadn't eaten all day and I had no cash to stop at a fast-food place. So I didn't, I drove home and stopped at the ever-awesome Zazus and stuff. But ... [g] I felt awful walking around with so much makeup, I just sat in my car and tried to scrub it off with tissues for a while, but still I walked in feeling horridly painted. I now know the meaning of Hamlet's disdainful "God gives you one face and you make yourselves another!" Right after that I went home just to wash all the makeup off, then I went back into town because I had a haircut appointment.

I've discovered that, when I have too much stress and not enough sleep, I get a weird kind of eye-twitch. I've got that again. It's annoying.
posted by Lauren, 7:08 PM | link

{Saturday, April 26, 2003  }

Books checked out:

Saint Francis and Saint Dominic in the Divine comedy
Needler, Howard

Charles Williams
Williams, Charles, 1886-1945

The world of Mr. Mulliner
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

Vita nuova
Dante Alighieri, 1265-1321

The image of the city, and other essays
Williams, Charles, 1886-1945

Selected writings
Williams, Charles, 1886-1945

Creative intuition in art and poetry
Maritain, Jacques, 1882-1973

Scribes and scholars: a guide to the transmission of Greek and Latin literature
Reynolds, Leighton Durham

Paton, Lucy Allen

Right practical reason : Aristotle, action, and prudence in Aquinas
Westberg, Daniel

The ethics of catholicism and the consecration of the intellectual
Bélanger, André J., 1935-

Aquinas on human action : a theory of practice
McInerny, Ralph M

Boethius and Aquinas
McInery, Ralph M

The consolation of philosophy
Boethius, d. 524

The pocket Aquinas
Thomas, Aquinas, Saint, 1225?-1274

Aristotle: On interpretation
Thomas, Aquinas, Saint, 1225?-1274

Fear and trembling, and The sickness unto death
Kierkegaard, Søren, 1813-1855

Of the imitation of Christ
Thomas, à Kempis, 1380-1471

Reason and imagination in C.S. Lewis : a study of Till we have faces
Schakel, Peter J

Shadows of imagination; the fantasies of C. S. Lewis, J. R. R. Tolkien, and Charles Williams
Hillegas, Mark Robert, 1926-

C.S. Lewis and the truth of myth
Freshwater, Mark Edwards, 1948-

Owen Barfield on C.S. Lewis
Barfield, Owen, 1898-

Themes and images in the medieval English religious lyric
Gray, Douglas

The sinful knights : a study of Middle English penitential romance
Hopkins, Andrea

Hamlet : the prince or the poem?
Lewis, C. S. (Clive Staples), 1898-1963

The early English lyric & Franciscan spirituality
Jeffrey, David L., 1941-

Language, logic, and reason in the church fathers : a study of Tertullian, Augustine, and Aquinas
Ayers, Robert H. (Robert Hyman), 1918-

Books checked out to return:

Institutes of the Christian religion V1
Calvin, Jean, 1509-1564

Institutes of the Christian religion V2
Calvin, Jean, 1509-1564

Selected writings
Thomas, Aquinas, Saint, 1225?-1274

posted by Lauren, 1:14 AM | link

{Friday, April 25, 2003  }

So I really don't like it when mom cooks aromatic foods, as then the upstairs smells like it, and not in a good way, either. Like mom made sausage and sauerkraut for dinner, and for a while it smelled like sauerkraut, but now it kind of smells like gym socks. And NO, it's NOT ME or something I own. It was like this last time mom made salmon, too, except then it didn't smell like gym socks, it smelled like a dock. XP

*stares at Once an Eagle longingly*

UUUUUUUGH I WANT PEOPLE TO CALL ME BACK AND EMPLOY ME. *sobs* I'm not going to have any money with which to fly home. :(

Hey. You. Gimme money. Now.

If you donate money to the Save The Lauren Foundation (there's only one Lauren N B left in existence!!!), you will become the proud owner of a limited-edition rubber ducky in return. And you can have a tax-writeoff and everything. And you can send the Lauren nice cards and gifts and every month you will recieve a letter telling you about the good your money is doing and a picture of Lauren, the (broke) goddess (who needs saving). See the goddess in her natural habitat:

See how pitiful she looks??? Does not that image just break your heart??? *sob*

So gimme money. So I can fly home and see my family and friends and *coughboyfriendcough*. Then I'll be happy. And when I'M happy, YOU'RE happy, because then I don't demand human sacrifice. Well, not too often, at least.

We are the piiiiraaaaaaaaates who don't do anythiiiiiiiiiing
We just stay hoooooooome and lie arooooooooound
And if you aaaaask uuuuuuuus to do anythiiiiiiiiing
We'll just teeeeeeeeell yoooooooooou
We don't do anythiiiiiiing!

Yes, I have that stuck in my head because I was watching the Jonah Veggitales movie with the niece and nephews over and overandoverandoverandoverandover with the kids. Also we watched Daniel in the Lion's Den, Dave and the Giant Pickle, and Esther: The Girl Who Became Queen. I rather like Esther, even though Larry wasn't really in it (there was no "Silly Songs with Larry: the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings... a silly song") ... my favorite part was the ISLAND OF PERPETUAL TICKELING!!!!!!!!! LOL Whenever someone was punished badly, like the sentence Esther and Mordecai and their family were given, that's where they would be sent. This tall figure with a hooded face, rather like Death or a Nazgul or something, came in carrying this hUUUUUUUGE feather!!! LOLOL it was funny. [G] Even if Esther herself was very unveggieish. Ah well. Daniel in the Lion's Den was also... gosh that had to have been the first Veggitale ever made, because Larry's voice was weird, and the computer animation was very un-detailed (to see that compared with Jonah or Esther was amusing). Also, it was more music than anything else. I like the "Oh No! What We Gonna Do?" song, but the thing I have playing over and over and over again in my head right now is what the king sings to Daniel, "Daniel, somethingsomethingsomething! Somethingsomethingsomething! Surely your God is above all men, now I understand, for even at the bottom of the lion's den, yoooooooou weeeeeeeeere iiiiiiiiiiin hiiiiiiiiiis haaaaaaaaand!"

If I had any musical talent whatsoever, I'd write a Veggitales episode. I think that would be fun, and it doesn't have to be perfect by a long shot. Like, "Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" doesn't rhyme at all, and "No, It Cannot Be" from Jonah isn't very good musically. I mean, that's not to knock Veggitales, but you know. *gestures*

Anyway. I think I'll go to bed, as my random musings aren't as amusing as I was hoping they'd be. Ha. Hahaa. HAHAHA!!! Anyway.

*sings* Because what we have learned applies to our lives today, God has a lot to say in his book! You see we know God's word is for everyone, now that our song is done, we'll take a look!

Let's see if Qwerty has a verse for us!

Joshua 11:11 -- And they put to the sword all who were in it, utterly destroying them; there was none left that breathed, and he burned Hazor with fire.

Lesson: never name your kid Hazor.

Remember, God made you special and he loves you very much!

Except if you're named Hazor.
posted by Lauren, 11:44 PM | link | 0 comments

We have presentations coming up for both Logic and AP English. Abe is threatening to assign me Justin Martyr instead of Thomas Aquinas for Logic, and I've not yet really started reading War in Heaven for AP English. YAY CHARLES WILLIAMS!!! But he's often metaphysical and mystical and sometimes difficult to process on the whole, so I need lots of time to think about it. DrMc suggested I read WIH, as it's one of his "least weird" (I personally would not couch it in such irreverent terms), so that's what I'm doing. ha.

I should gather up the (four .. out of 30) books I intended to return to the library. I doubt I'll have much time for looking around, but at least I'll go and be there and be among the books and ... and... siiiiigh. I love the library. :) You know, though, I probably shouldn't really look around at all, because ... well... whenever I go, I usually bring a backpack with me, and I'll go in with the backpack completely empty and come out with it completely full and zipped up and my arms FULL of books and sometimes one clenched between my teeth. One day when I'm a millionaire or something, I'm going to have a huuuuuuuuge library, HUGE! With lots of medieval manuscripts and ancient texts, too. And several printings and editions of each book, and the center of the library will have a single stone pillar with a light shining on it (Indiana Jonesish) and there ... will be an original Gutenberg. I think that would be awesome. And then when I die, I'll shut it up and bury myself in it and I'll have Fr. Paul and Fr. Thomas (the priests [L]) make lots of booby traps and seal my coffin (which will be elaborate and ornate, decorated with cows and ducks which are animals held sacred by me) in my labyrinthine library and I'll sit there for hundreds of thousands of years because then something will happen and my tomb/house/mansion/palace will be hidden from plain sight and... and... and... yeah. I think I'll bury Jude with me, weather he's dead yet or not. And I'll have SarahMc and Abe mummified with me. And then Jon will have to conduct a few human sacrifices and then commit suicide.

Yeah I think archaeology's a good profession for me. [L]

I'm a dork.
posted by Lauren, 1:32 PM | link

Funny thing of the day -- "superliminal" is a real word.

I first heart it on a Simpson's episode. (wav)

Then I was reading in my Astronomy book today, quote, "The idea that blazars are radio galaxies with their jets aimed toward the Earth was supported by the surprising discovery of movement that appeared to be faster than the speed of light. This superliminal motion is also observed in some quarars..."

*I* thought it was funny...
posted by Lauren, 12:11 AM | link | 0 comments

{Thursday, April 24, 2003  }

Also, I forgot to mention -- somebody buy me that Schakel book, it's a library book, and it's out of print. I WANT it. GET it for me! NOW! [G] He wrote a bunch of other stuff on Lewis and the Inklings too. Gimmegimmegimme!!!
posted by Lauren, 6:57 PM | link | 0 comments

Ok, so, I'm cool. I talked a lot in AP English today. I just couldn't stand what DrMc was saying the other day about TWHF, and so I was bound and determined to say other stuff, and get him talking about other stuff, too. So I had found this book by Peter J Schakel called Reason and Imagination in C.S. Lewis: A Study of Till We Have Faces and I was reading that and it's really good. I'm about 50 pages into it, which is a little less than halfway through, and while it's not knock-your-socks-off enlightening (as, say, Auerbach's Mimesis is... I love that!), it's helped me tremendously in identifying some of the things I was thinking about it the other day. The book (TWHF) creates such a sense of understanding on a nonverbal level. It's fascinating. It's not just my reaction, either -- DrMc says the same thing, as did PeterO in class today, and numerous others, I'm told. The fact that a book can do that at all is intriguing. I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. Another thing I found intriguing, which was staring me in the face and I kind of sort of understood it, was the was TWHF is mostly about the different kinds of love; Schakel says one can interpret it through Lewis' The Four Loves, which is great, easily my favorite philosophy work by Lewis. So I feel all triumphant about that. Next we're reading Remains of the Day.

I've been away from the piano for so long. Now that I don't have to practice every week for lessons, it's kind of fallen by the wayside. One thing I don't miss is the feeling of endless practicing going nowhere. I swear, I could not get the stupid Chopin Nocturne perfect, and I played and played and played... but I didn't over-play, over-practice. I made sure to take breaks and stuff, but not too long, and ... and... yeah. Ugh. I just have no innate talent whatsoever. Or if I do or ever did, I've reached the extent of it here, that is, not very far/much at all. On the other hand, there's the occasional great sense of triumph when I do conquer something. I think I've only had that once or twice. Actually... only once. I used to be able to play Debussy's Claire De Lune flawlessly and passionately. Of course I can't anymore. :P *sigh* You know, it seemed I had only talent for a few pieces (and I knew/know so few!), and nothing overall. Well, if I may flatter myself, I'm not to terrible at sight reading. Then again I'm not so wonderful at it, either. :P Sometimes I feel like Salieri as characterized in Amadeus, most especially when it comes to music. I'll never be anything more than a mediocrity. That is a sad thought, but I'd better just accept it, because I can't really do anything about it anyway. I love music so much, but it's not my main focus in life. Which brings us to ask.... what is my main focus? At least, academically speaking? I have no idea. I don't think I have any kind of manual skill, nor do I know precisely what to do with my literary/linguistic skills. Well, I do -- Army MI or ... archaeology. If Army MI doesn't work out, the thought of doing archaeology is a little intimidating. I don't know anybody personally who is an archaeologist. I know people in the Army, even who are/were in MI. I don't have an absolutely clear picture of all the different kinds of archaeologist stuff... I know there's a lot of study and research involved, and of course digging if you're in the field. Also, there's the math/science end for carbon-dating and various kinds of site-protection stuff (I can handle some trig... trig and geometry and algebra are about the extent of my math skills. I think I could live with that stuff. But calculus and physics ... *dies*) but like... okay I have a clearer vision than I thought I did (I sat here and thought for about five minutes before I started writing again) but... I don't know. I suppose it's because I don't know anyone who is an archaeologist. It's going forward into the unknown. But it's not wholly unknown. Nevermind. [G]

I randomly noticed I had a bee sting in my arm. I remember because the other day I had a little bump-thing there and it was itchy and annoying for like a minute. Then I was looking at it again today and it wasn't gone yet. Then when I was outside and in the sunlight, I noticed there was something in there, and it's too regularly-shaped to be a splinter... ewewew! Grooooooss, I have a foreign object from the posterior of another living creature embedded in my skin. Isn't that nasty???

Ok this is funny --

Lauren: Whatcha got next?
Jon: dinner; formation's at 1840
Lauren: ok; whatcha doin' now?
Jon: I was just about to go get changed
Lauren: We could all use a little change. [G]
Jon: No! No change! NEVER change!!!
Jon: *is Catholic*
Lauren: FOCL!!!!
Jon: O:)
Lauren: *dies laughing*

(about 25 mins later...)

Jon: hey I gotta go, gotta get changed before dinner
Lauren: Okay
Jon: *becoming less and less Catholic with all this change*
Lauren: LOL You church-of-the-whats-happenin-now!!!

....okay well I thought it was funny. :P

I don't understand Astronomy. I wish we'd study it the way the ancients did. Sigh.
posted by Lauren, 6:54 PM | link

{Wednesday, April 23, 2003  }

REJOICE AND BE GLAD!!!!!!!!! SarahMc heard La Boheme ("O Soave Fancuilla" ... on Buffy [L]) and she LIKED IT!!!!!!! NOW SHE MUST HEAR THE **WHOLE** THING!!!! *the heavens open, angel choirs sing, holy water falls upon Sarah and cleanses her of her impurities*
posted by Lauren, 5:14 PM | link | 0 comments

Ok back to writing quasi-consistantly in the blog...

In Latin class we are almost done with the Ovidian flood account, anyway. It was duuuuuuuulllllllllllllllll, no matter how much I like Ovid. And I like Ovid a lot. Sigh. It's really annoying when he uses a lot of funky 4th declention words that look like perfect passive participles. He's done that to me more than once, and I'd get all messed up with participles and whatnot. sigh. Oh well. Magistra said that next we'd be transating Deucalion's rant against mankind. [L] I sent her a pointed email this morning alerting her to the presence of the Apollo and Daphne story online (here for the Latin, here for the English) which might *coughcough* be our next assignment? She said it may possibly be (YAAAAAAAY), and then said she was surprised that I find that the most interesting part is Daphne's transformation and not, in her words, "the amorous swooning of poor hormone-bedeviled Apollo." :P Poor Apollo! I think he was the only god who ever really loved (not lusted) besides possibly Cupid (or Phoebus and Eros if you prefer Greek). And HEY! What is this? Just because I like one or two selected love-poems of Catullus does not mean I am some sappy romantic... blah! No.... Catullus obdurat! ut Laurea obdurat! Really, I'm not a romantic person, and am emphatically not a Romantic person (there's a difference... I don't despise the romantic as I do the Romantic). That's not to say I'm feminazi or anti-male, but when I'm not in love (and that is not very often), I don't sigh and dream about it, I don't relish romantic poems simply because they are romantic, ditto movies and novels etc. There is a greater good than the romantic, and if I like poems that so happen to be romantic (such as the Apollo and Daphne account), it's because I see a greater good in them. Specifically in this instance, Apollo's lasting tribute to his love, the laurel-leaves. Whenever Apollo is depicted, it must be with laurels. What other god found more than the delight of a moment in their object? In other transformation accounts in the metamorphoses, usually what follows is anger or frustration of the gods, or else they achieve their prey and cast them off. Here Apollo does neither, and though he knows he cannot have Daphne, he loves her anyway from afar, and kisses her branches and embraces her bark (the English translation linked above isn't the best as it makes it way too suggestive-sounding, but the other one is rather archaic). The last line of his tribute to her is, "And as my youthful head is never shorn,
so, also, shalt thou ever bear thy leaves unchanging to thy glory.” It may be a push to identify this as like unto Medieval courtly love, or is it? Loves her from afar, both unattainable, wears his lady's favor...

So see? Isn't that intriguing? I think so, at least. But anyway. Now to debunk the Romantic. The Romantic refers to the literature/poetry/philosophy of a certain era, different in various countries, and rather reflected in America by the ... by the... crud, now I can't remember the name of the movement. Anyway, England had it worst. They had Wordsworth. I HATE WORDSWORTH. I HATE WORDSWORTH. I HATE WORDSWORTH!!! (no, tell us how you really feel, Lauren) BLAH. BLAAAAAAAH. BLAAAAAAAAAH. He wrote annoying stuff. Annoying! Some of it was formless blah. Some of it was formful blah. All of it was blah. Then there's this one poem that almost everybody's familiar with, "The world is too much with us"...

The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon,
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers,
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not.--Great God! I'd rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn

...yeah, Wordsworth, you burn in hell, why don't you? That sounds harsh, doesn't it? But look at what that for which he is asking -- yes he's Christian but he loves nature so much he'd rather be pagan to appreciate it. That's knowing the Truth and then rejecting it, practically outright. Also, I hate the condescending tone he has most of the time. That's not the half of why I hate him, but that's the only thing I have the time/energy to tear into right now. Also about the Romantic movement that I HATE is their conscious rejection of the rational, and the embracing of the ... I don't know what to call it. Well, Goethe embodied it in the words of Werther when he had Werther say, "I treat my poor heart like a sick child and gratify its every fancy." That's the opening of the door to "do whatever feels right", except in this case it's the more "do whatever is [R/r]omantic." In fact, the whole book The Sorrows Of Young Werther is a good example of Why Romanticism Is Intrinsically Evil. In the end, Werther is so swept away by his passions that his love -- or what was once akin to love -- is now utter lust, he makes himself incapable of happiness (where if he could just SHUT UP and GET OVER LOTTE he could be happy, but he depresses himself further... where he knew from the beginning that she was engaged), and so overwhelms himself that he commits suicide by gunshot. But again, instead of his tragic romantic ending, he dies a slow and painful death, dying the day after he shot himself. It's such a miserable book, I really hate it. But I had fun dissecting it and analyzing it and writing a paper about the classical vrs the Medieval themes in the book. [G] That was the most fun paper we wrote all year.

"Always this riDICUlous obSESSion with LOVE!"

Yeah really... and you know, had we seen any more of Christian's character in Moulin Rouge, I think I would have hated him. In fact, if right at that moment an unconscious Argentinian hadn't fallen through his roof, I probably would have hated him. Right after he said "I was going to write about truth, beauty, and that which I believed in above all else: love! But there was one problem -- I'd never been in love!" that reminded me exACTly of something Werther had said in the aforementioned book. The first time I saw it, I was watching it with Jon, and at that point I was going to turn and kill him painfully. But then Toulouse and the Argentinian saved his life and the life of the whole cast. [L]

I will admit that once I was a romantic, a Romantic even, back when I was a silly and air-headed thing. (Note: if you are a Romantic, God help you, but I mean in no way to imply that Romanticism is air-headed. Okay wait, let me rephrase that. I mean in no way that you are necessarily air-headed. I do beg, beseech, implore you upon my knees to rethink your Romantic ideals, however...) I had a couple bad heartbreaks because I allowed myself to be so vulnerable. Of course now you're thinking "oh I see, she's embittered", but this is actually not the case. I continued being a romantic/Romantic after a while, but as I started to grow up, something happened, and I'm not 100% sure what it was. I know I started reading a lot more philosophy, and I started changing my ideas about literature and stuff when I met Dr. McMenomy. That's not to say he told me what to think, au contraire. But he would never let me get away with saying "this is good because I like it", as I was often prone to doing. :P "Why do you like it?" "because it's good." "Why is it good?" "because I like it." Stuff like that made him tear his hair out, and now I see why. [G] I think he started me down the path to actual critical thinking. Looking back into my memory, I'm trying to remember where and what it was that motivated me ... well, I remember way back, like when I was 12, I had this really awesome experience on a Mount 2000 retreat. I fell in love with Divine Wisdom (the Holy Spirit), though I didn't really know it at the forefront of my mind, nor did I use either of those terms, really. I just knew I had an overwhelming desire for Confirmation, and Confirmation RIGHT NOW. I think I was in 8th grade at the time, and I felt like I would die if I waited until 11th grade to be confirmed. So I got permission shortly thereafter to be confirmed that year, and I was, and I loved it, and I know the Holy G's been working in me since then. Since then my lifelong quest has been for Wisdom, and at first it was just a tiny seed, but now it's an overwhelming and insatiable thirst. Thus I despise things that are contrary to Wisdom, such as irrationality. AND THERE IS SO MUCH IRRATIONALITY IN THE ROMANTIC MOVEMENT!!!!!!! >:O

I think I had more to say, but I've forgot it now. I'm trying to convince SarahMc that she doesn't suck (she so doesn't!), and we've come up with two really great quotes... Sarah is nervous about preaching at her church, and she says,
Sarah:...and THEN Cynthia, Fr. Steve, Jesse, Robert, Juliana, and my parents all started like this MASSIVE campaign to cajole me into doing it! So then I thought to myself well, okay, I'll just have a little looksee at what the readings are for that Sunday and see if I have anything useful to say about them. And of course there's a reading from John 17 which is only my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE PART OF THE WHOLE BIBLE! Like, John is my favorite book, and 17 is my favorite chapter of John It's the tiptop on my list. So I was like DAMNIT NOW I HAVE TO PREACH! IT'S A SIGN!
Lauren: *cracking up* I like that phrase... "Damnit, now I have to preach!"
Sarah: lol

and then

Sarah: *big eyes... all scared of preaching... reading the priestly prayer...*
Sarah: I should turn off the lights, light some candles, and be like "OMG, death come upon me!" like Julian of Norwich.
Lauren: FOCL *tries to picture Julian of Norwhich saying "OMG, death come upon me!" and hears a valley girl accent...*
Lauren: like, OH my GAWD! like DEATH, come upon me! like, REALLY!"

focl... SarahMc totally rules!!! Okay I have to go do my Geek homework now. Heehee. (Geek = Greek... GET IT? HAHAHAH!)

OH WAIT, I have to tell you a funny joke first pertaining to Latin class this morning. In this passage we were translating, Triton blew on his conch-shell thing and all the waters from the flood start to subside and Ovid is talking about all the waters receding to their rightful places, and the line we were translating was lumina subsidunt, collesque exire videntur; my translation, the rivers subsided and the hills, alive with the sound of music, were seen to reappear.

HAHAHAHA!!!!!! I'm FUNNY!!!! (It's a good thing looks aren't everything. ;))
posted by Lauren, 5:01 PM | link

{Tuesday, April 22, 2003  }

Wow I wrote a lot. [G]
posted by Lauren, 3:00 PM | link | 0 comments

argh... POST!!!!! *waves fingers around*
posted by Lauren, 2:54 PM | link | 0 comments

Blargh, it's that kind of day. :P I stayed up till like 3:30 doing that stupid survey posted below, which only went up to question 300. Oh well, I don't think I'll do any more. It really is a waste of time. Well, not wholly -- the one quasi-perverted question #268 ("If sex was like eating an apple, how many apples would you eat a day?") got me starting thinking about some of the major themes in Till We Have Faces, as one of them seems to be loving and devouring, and the similarity of both to death. And so now I'm prepared for class today. [G]

I love West Point, and had I seen it and fallen in love with it earlier, I should have liked to apply there. However, I probably wouldn't survive there, because no matter what one's major is, all cadets graduate with a B.S., and I am emphatically not a math/science person. Just for all the math/science I'd have to take, I'd fail. No matter how much of my best I give to that stuff, it's never good enough. :P Also, intramurals are required. I stink at sports. [G] I used to play soccer, but our team lost every single game it played, and we stunk. I skipped gym all through 8th grade. I think the gym teacher thought I dropped out so he didn't even bother giving me a grade or something, so hahahaaa! I got away with noooo gyyyyyyym! *points and laughs* I could suck it up and do the PT, I think, if my ultimate goal was military. However that's another thing -- I'm not 100% sure about being in the military (and I never have been, I've been sure [and still am sure] I want to do ROTC, but that doesn't mean I'll ultimately end up in the military). Especially since I've more and more been thinking about parenting and a military career, as I think, for a girl, the two are mutually exclusive. At least, for me. I really don't know, that's what I've been trying to sort out in my head lately. On the one hand, I would love to serve my country in the military, and wouldn't give it a second thought if I knew I was going to be single till whatever point I would get out. However, I'm sure you've heard the phrase that "readiness for marriage is readiness for children" or something like that, and if I were to get married before or during my stint in the military, my duties would be divided between my country, and my husband/children, and because I would be contracted, my country would have to come first (e.g., I might have to be shipped out). But ... children should always come first over everything, and that's part of the readiness for children, sacrificing a lot of yourself for your children to put them first and raise healthy and Godly kids. Also, as much as I love doing stuff, feeling useful and being proactive, there's still a feminine/matronly instinct in me that wants to both protect and be protected and sheltered to some degree too, and having my husband stay at home to raise the kids while I'm out and being the breadwinner just seems to go against that in a lot of ways.

And I still think West Point rules. Others would laugh at me and say "that's because you don't live here," which I'm sure is true, I'm sure if I lived there and had to put up with plebe hazing and SAMI and CCQ and the like that I'd hate it like everybody else, but I'm also positive that once they're on the other side of that, they'll be glad for it. I don't know of one West Point grad who doesn't love his alma mater. And like most experiences, one appreciates them most from the other side. But of course, as a highschool senior, it is utterly ridiculous for me to say any of this. Maybe when I'm 30...

I'm tired. I think part of my problem is bad nutrition. I would never have thought of it nor believed my mom if/when she tried to tell me, but since I've heard it from Mrs. Laird, it's gospel truth, now. [G] I've been eating way too much Easter candy and not enough healthy stuff and stuff. But I'm lazy/tired and I don't like taking care of myself (in terms of, like, nutrition and the like; I still brush my teeth and wash myself and stuff. :P).

I've been the major talkative person in AP English class today, and that's a first. Well, I'll talk and won't shutup if it's something I feel like it's something about which I can say a lot. While I can't fully articulate what I think about Till We Have Faces, it's definitely something I've been thinking about lately, and I'm already familiar with Lewis and his collegues, theology, philosophy, religion, place of employment, etc. I've loved CS Lewis ever since I read the Chronicles of Narnia when I was a young thing. Then I read book 1 of the space trilogy (I've been told I MUST read them ALL and RIGHT AWAY [G]) and then ... I don't know when I started picking up his philosophy books, but they were what I cut my philosophical teeth on before I tried my hand at Aristotle (I picked up Aristotle when I was far too young, I didn't understand much at all, but I will admit what I did read of him then certainly gave me a good grounding for stuff later). I've always loved CS Lewis and I always will. I admit he's not perfect in any way, but ... I ... just love him, despite his flaws. Which is something I can't say about many authors at all. Usually when I find flaws in their philosophy or in their writing or something, I drop them like a hot brick. Or if not, I dismiss or disregard them probably much more than they deserve. At least I don't *love* them in the slightest. I tell myself I can't love flaws, or not flawed wisdom. But then that's not wisdom at all.

But speaking of flawed... thinking... the reason I'm talking so much is because I think DrMc's ideas about the book are all wrong, or at best ill-directed. He's trying to say that one of the points in TWHF was about self-image and self-awareness -- not in any PC kind of way (DrMc hates PC-ness as much as any normal person), but the focus seemed to introverted and petty for Lewis. Granted, given the veil that Orual wears and various other factors, perhaps that's what he's saying *in part*, but I think he was giving it way more focus than it deserved. I'd like to post the whole log, it was interesting, but that would be way too long/dull. [L]

posted by Lauren, 2:51 PM | link

focl... Alice posts questions in her online journal all the time. I used to think she was a DORK for it, but now... I'm doing it too! Hahahaa, I'm stealing a survey in her journal with six parts and 5,000 questions!!! [EG] Here we go...

1. Who are you? I am a girl on the brink of a major and life-changing event who feels very much intimidated by her situation.

2. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you? I demand respect and I give it, when I love I worship, above all things I desire Divine Wisdom.

3. When you aren't filling out 5,000 question surveys what are you doing? Schoolwork and sleeping, occasionally taking drives in the countryside. I've grown fond of doing this, lately.

4. List your classes in school from the ones you like the most to the ones you like the least. Thomistic Ethics, Latin III, AP English, Logic, Greek III, Astronomy.

5. What is your biggest goal for this year? Firstly to survive my first semester at college, thirdly to see and talk to Jon as often as humanly possible, sixth and lasty to earn enough money over this summer to fly myself home at least every other month, and to conclude: to keep myself, somehow, from going utterly insane.

6. Where will you be in 5 years? How I wish I knew! [G] I forsee two things -- 1) married, 2) not married, a 2LT in MI; I think the two things are mutually exclusive. An' I were to be married, or even if I weren't, I think then that I'd go to grad school as soon as I possibly could (I praypraypray that it's in Oxford! I've wanted to go to Oxford since I was a wee thing) and probably do archaeology and be an archaeologist somewhere.

7. What do you want to be when you grow up? I'd really like to be an MI officer. I'd like that because I could feel useful. I'd feel less useful as an archaeologist.

8. Are you more child-like or childish? I... wouldn't know. Of course I'm inclined to say "child-like", but I'm a bit biased, I'm not sure.

9. What is the last thing you said out loud? "Bye" (hanging up the phone with Jon)

10. What song sums up your life right now? My whole life? Ummm... Avril Lavigne's "I'm With You", possibly, or Sarah McLaughlan's "I Love You", or "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend".... no, ha, j/k. [G] Oh, "Bridge Over Troubled Waters."

11. Does your life suck? Ohboy, sometimes it MAJORLY does, but lately it's been really great.

12. Does your life get better or worse each day? My life doesn't function linearly like that.

13. Does time really heal all wounds? I'm not sure. I'm tempted to say yes, unless you obstinately hang onto something.

14. How do you handle a rainy day? If it's pretty, I go out for a drive, or stare out the window and dream. If not, I usually have to do something to cheer myself up.

15. Which is worse: losing your luggage or having to sort out tangled holiday lights? Losing your luggage, definitely! As Alipie said, untangling the lights requires patience, which is doable. But the other, you have to deal with airport morons, and sometimes you don't get your luggage back. If all else fails with the lights, you can go out and buy some more.

16. How is your relationship with your parents? Mom's in a snappy mood right now, I SWEAR. Otherwise, quite well.

17. Will you miss them when they are gone? I will be an absolute mess. It'll take some strong person to keep me from becoming an alcoholic or something. I definitely can't handle that right now, not by myself. I dont' want to think about it. [g]

18. How do you want to make your living? By good, honest work and wage.

19. How do you want to make your life? I'm not yet wholly sure.

20. Has life ever given you a second chance and how? Life? No, but I know various people who have.

21. Are you more of a giver or a taker? I don't know.[g] Again a question not quite proper for me to judge myself.

22. Do you make your decisions with an open heart? No, I make mine with a clear head which I prize even above an open heart. In proper place, of course, an open heart is good.

23. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you? Having my wisdom teeth out -- the next morning when I woke up and the medicine had worn off.

24. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you? I can't share that here. [G]

25. Who have you hugged today? Nobody, when I saw mom, the first human being all day, around 6pm, she was in a crummycrummy mood.

26. Who has hugged you? No one

27. Do you have a lot to learn? Understatement of the century.

28. If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by working what would they be? Learning how to bear people's burdens, to comfort them wholly, to give myself entire.

29. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do, or how other people make you feel? I think what they say. I'm not sure. Mr. McClellan's words linger with me always.

30. What are the key ingredients to having a good relationship? The Imitation of Christ (and not the book [g])

31. What 3 things do you want to do before you die? Hear a mass entirely chanted in Latin by monks, visit Ireland, have an aviary.

32. What three things would you want to die to avoid doing? Anything against chastity, hurting someone, and ... being nauseous.

33. Is there a cause you believe in more than any other cause? God’s... [G]

34. What does each decade make you think of:

The 19...

20's: flappers, swing music, speakeasies, F. Scott Fitzgerald, jazz, pretty girls with short hair-bobs and blue eyes, glitz, glamour, gangsters.

30's: The Great Depression

40's: World War Two, soldier boys going away, sacrifice, courage, sadness, true heros

50's: The wholesomeness of it all

60's: THE BEATLES! and the hippy stuff and Vatican II

70's: Drugginess, John Lennon

80's: Bad hair, bad clothes, bad music, WHY was I born in this era?

90's: My life, my sisters [G]

2000 (so far): How strange the world is, how big it is and how small I am.

35. Which decade do you feel you belong in and why? I think the 20's, or the 50's and 60's. Ideally, I'm suited for about 1350 or 1570 at the latest. [G]

36. What is your favorite oldie/classic rock song? [Insert Song By The Beatles Here]

37. If you could say any sentence to the president of the USA what would it be? God bless you, Mr. President, you do good work.

38. What's your favorite TV channel to watch in the middle of the night? I don't like to watch t.v. in the middle of the night unless Iron Chef, Space Ghost/Brak, Whose Line, or the A-Team is on.

39. What Disney villain are you the most like and why? A mixture between Yzma and Kronk. Or -- no! Gloomius Maximus from "Rollie Pollie Ollie: The Great Defender of Fun." I SWEAR, he is so cool classic comic-book "We'll meet again, superman!"-type villain!

40. Have you ever been a girlscout/boyscout? No, and I never really had a desire to be one. I want to join the army. *whines*

41. If you were traveling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat? I hate BOTH!!!!!! But I'd rather risk the plane because seasickness = nausea. Refer to question 32.

42. Why is the sky blue during the day and black at night? Um, because the moon isn’t bright enough to light up the sky? [G]

43. What does your name mean? I don't know, but the Latin bears resemblance to "laurel", so of the laurels? Crowned with laurels? I like it, it's a poetic/hero image. My favorite Greek myth (aside from Eros and Psuche) is Apollo and Daphne, and it's from her that the laurel tree had its existance. Apollo, the poet-muse-hero god loved her (*loved*, not lusted like the other gods) and made the laurel-tree his symbol.

44. Would you rather explore the deeps of the ocean or outerspace? Uh. I don't know. Both are utterly frightening and lonely.

45. Word association. What's the first word that comes to mind when you see the word:

air: sky

meat: raw, disgusting flesh

different: incongruent

pink: "pretty in pink, awesome in uniform"

deserve: I do not

white: holiness

Elvis: ugh

cilantro: Colombian, mom, gramma

heart: pierced

clash: cymbals, Tech colors, orange and any color

pulp: orange juice

46. If you could meet any person who is dead and famous who would you want it to be? *eyes go misty* ... CS Lewis, JRR Tolkien, Charles Williams, Shakespeare, Homer, George Harrison, St. Thomas Aquinas... the idols of my life [G]

46. What if you could meet anyone alive and famous? PAUL MCCARTNEY

47. Is there a movie that you love so much you could watch it everyday? "Help!", "We Were Soldiers", "Empire Strikes Back"

48. You are going to be stuck alone in an elevator for a week. What do you bring to do? A gun... to shoot myself. I would DIE.

49. What one cd would you bring to listen to for that week (no mixed cd's...must be an album)? La Boheme!!!!

50. Have you ever saved someone's life or had your life saved? I think Geoff saved my life (and Erin's and Mary Catherine's!) in Italy when he "warded off" those freaky guys, my dad saved me from drowning in a pool when I was 6, I don't know about saving other people's lives...

51. Make up a definition for the following silly words.

fruitgoogle: pronounced froo-IT-go-AH-glay, v, transit: to imbibe noisily, esp. that gross sound people make when they swallow liquids

ambytime: pronounced after the Italian fashion, am-bee-TEE-may, n; a small shot of a strong almond-flavored desert liquor

asscactus: v transit; lit: to tear flesh, symbolically: sarcasm

(what wholly unoriginal words...)

52. What was the last thing you made with your own hands? tuna fish, I think

53. What was your favorite toy as a child? my blankie, which I STILL have. [G]

54. How many TVs are in your house? four, one in the basement, one in my parents room, one in mom's office, one in the upstairs TV room.

55. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Driving, walking, being alone with nature, esp. with the stars or in the forest.

56. Have you ever seen a rainbow? Who hasn't?

57. Have you ever dreamt a dream that came true? I don't think so... but I've had a dream that's come true (and not, like, one of those psychic dreams that one gets every once in a while... really, a DREAM has COME TRUE...)

58. Have you ever been to a psychic/tarot reader? No.

59. What is your idea of paradise? the Beatific Vision, perfect love, our sharing in God (who is Love, who is Wisdom) in the most awesome and unimagineable way possible

60. Do you believe in heaven and if so what is it like? See above, read Dante.

61. Do you believe in Hell? See above, read Dante.

62. What one thing have you done that most people haven't? Homeschooled. Learned two dead languages at once. Dated a West Point yuk senior year in highschool. [L]

63. What is the nicest thing you have ever done? I don't know, I don't want to dwell on that and be all "yay for me" :P

64. Are you a patient person? *sigh* Not nearly patient enough.

65. What holiday should exist but doesn't? National Underappreciated Recognition day.

66. What holiday shouldn't exist but does? 9/11 . Meaning, it ought never to have happened.

67. What's the best joke you ever heard? FOCL ok, ready? One day, Jesus gives St. Peter a day off at the pearly gates, and he's sitting up there waiting for souls to come to heaven. Soon enough, this old man hobbles feebly up. Jesus leans over the podium-thing to greet him. The old man says "I think I'm supposed to be here, but I'm afraid I can't my name or anything about my life." "Well," says Jesus, "we can help you. Do you remember what profession you were?" The old man thinks a minute and says, "you know, i think I was a carpenter." "Alright," says Jesus, "well... hmmm... we have lots of carpenters up here. Do you remember anything about your family?" The old man thinks again and says "I remember... I remember I had a son. Yes, an only son! And... he had holes... in his hands... and in his feet!" Jesus pauses, looks the old man up and down. "DAD?" he says, astonished. The old man replies, "PINOCCHIO!?!?!" *dies laughing*

68. Where is the most fun place you have EVER been? Maine when I was younger.

69. Is your hair its natural color? Yes, the red highlights washed out YEARS ago mom, PLEASE!!!!!!

70. Do you have any deep dark secrets? Of course.

71. What is under your bed right now? Books, boxes, my guitar, papers, sheet music, clothes

72. If you were in the Land of Oz what would you ask the wizard for? A date with the Tin Man, I've had a crush on him since I was in 2nd grade.

73. If you drive do you frequently speed? Uh. I plead the 5th.

74. What is the world's best song to dance to? *thinks* TWIST AND SHOUT!!!

75. What song was on the last time you danced with someone? Ugh, don’t remind me. Ummmm... I last danced with Jon in Atlantic City to a Chuck Barry song, I think it was. Then the music changed, and we tried to dance to it (I don't remember what it was), but I didn't like it and stopped to do something else.

76. Do you prefer Disney or Warner Brothers? They're both evil.

77. What is the first animal you would run to see if you went to the zoo? I would run to the aviary to see all the birds.

78. Would you consider yourself to be romantic? Emphatically NO.

79. If the earth stopped rotating would we all fly off? Rotating?! It's roatating!? j/k

80. What is the one thing that you would love to do so much that you would make sacrifices to be able to do it? Wow... hmmm... probably travel.

81. If you (and everyone) had to lose one right or freedom but you could pick which one what would you pick? uhm... I would say "the freedom to choose wrong", but for a vast number of philosophical reasons I could not... oh I know! "The freedom to NOT THINK" or the "freedom to IGNORE REASON AND COMMON SENSE".

82. If you had to choose would you live on the equator or at the north pole? Probably the equator... I love the cold, but the North Pole would be too dreary.

83. Would you rather give up listening to music or watching television? watching television, hands down!! *thinks of no more La Boheme, DIES*

84. What do you think makes someone a hero? Thinking of another’s welfare before your own, and putting yourself in danger to help that person .

85. What cartoon would you like to be a character in? (I once DREAMED about being in Gargoyles, Alipie...) I would like to be in Sailor Moon. [G]

86. Name one thing that turns your stomach: nausea...

87. What was the last thing you paid for? Stuff for Jon's "Easker Basket"

88. Que pasa? Nada, y tu?

89. Get anything good in the mail ever? Archaeology magazine and Architectural Digest, the occasional letter

90. Which would you rather take as a gym class: dancing, sailing, or bowling? Dancing! Definitely.

91. If you died but were instantly cloned and the clone retained all of your memories and characteristics and continued living on as you, would it be you? No.

92. What insects are you afraid of? ALL OF THEM.

93. If you could print any phrase on a t-shirt, what would it say? I used to know the Latin phrase, but the phrase which, when translated, means "If you can read this, you are overeducated" [EG]

94. What's the most eccentric thing you have ever worn? Oh... I had this COOLCOOLCOOL hippie shirt! It was all sorts of wild colors and it had holes in it (like, it was knit with holes in it) and it was long-sleeved and oddly shaped and it was COOL but weird.

95. If you could pick one food that you could eat all you wanted of forever and not gain a single ounce from what food would it be? I would like to eliminate the necessity of eating altogether.

96. What are your parents interested in? They've recently become involved in church and stuff.

97. Have you ever caught a butterfly? Several times.

98. What is the difference between wishes and plans? The capacity to do something about each.

99. What do you think of the following shows?

get smart: What? Never seen it

cribs: Ditto

m.a.s.h.: Dotto

roswell: Ditto

daria: I saw three episodes -- they were mildly amusing.

pop up video: Depending on the video, midly amusing

spongebob squarepants: stupid and puerinle

invader zim: Never seen it

100. You are spending the night alone in the woods and may bring only 3 items with you. what do you bring? A car, a shotgun and a dog. No, I'm not paranoid. SHUTUP. SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!

101. What does happiness/joy feel like physically? Physically? It's been a long time since I've felt physical joy. Joy to me is a complete calmness and a deep sense of .. everything in the soul. Physically, it's an overflowing feeling, I think. "My cup runneth over".

102. List the ten people you love most starting with the one you love the absolute most. That's not really fair. Definitely on my list, but in no particular order: Alice, Abe, Danielle, Eleanor, Jon, JohnE, Sarah...

103. How many movies have you gone to see this month? One

104. If you could have 3 wishes, but none of them could be for yourself, what would you wish for? Health, holiness, and wisdom.

105. In what ways do you relax and de-stress when you are really tense? Sleeping, driving, or showering. Especially with nice soap and lots of smelly stuff.

106. How much money would it take to get you to drive to school naked in the spring time and get out of the car? No amount of money whatsoever. Although technically I HAVE come to school naked... [L] I've walked up to the computer and signed on the server whilst newly out of the shower and still wrapped in a towel so I wouldn't be late for class. (Of course, I immediately ran off and put clothes on)

107. Make up a personality type that only fits you and give a brief description of it. good gracious, NO!

108.Where does fashion come to life? "Have you seen the well-to-do up on Lennox avenue, on that famous thoroughfare with their noses in the air -- high hats and colored collars, white spats and fifteen dollars, spending every dime for a wonderful time! If you're blue and you don't know where to go to why don't you go where fashion sits, putting on the Ritz? ... that's where each and every blue lapel goes, every Thursday evening in their swell clothes rubbing elbows..."

109. What do you think of cloning? I think it's gross and immoral.

110. Do you read more or watch TV more? I read more, definitely. I definitely read more. No question.

111. With all this terrorism going around are you willing to sacrifice rights and freedoms for increased safety? To some extent, especially if it means keeping loved ones safe, yes. In some ways, that's what joining the Armed Forces is about.

112. What is the best punishment you could come up with for Osama if you caught him alive? Sprinkle Holy Water on him! Or something a little less innocent and Catholic... "the first thing [he] will lose will be his feet below the ankles. Then his hands at the wrists, next his nose.... the next thing [he] will lose will be his left eye, followed by his right.... [but not his ears] and I will tell you why: so that every shriek of every child at seeing [his] hideousness, every babe that weeps at his approach, every woman who cries out 'dear God, what is that thing?' will echo in [his] perfect ears... it means I leave [him] in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever." (~Princess Bride)

113. Have you ever named an individual part of your body? Uh. No.

114. Have you ever been on the radio or on TV? Yes! I've won various things on the radio, I've called up at request and dedication time and been played, I've also been on the news for waiting in line 8 hours for Episode I tickets dressed as Princess Leia, hair and all. *puffs self up proudly*

115. Have you ever won a lottery, sweepstakes prize? Nnnno.

116. Have you ever won a contest or competition? I, uh... have I? I don't think so.

117. Do you find Bob Ross (the happy little trees guy) to be a very calming show to watch? No, but I think his painting techniques ARE fascinating.

118. Do you know what your grandparents and your great grand parents did for a living? My grandparents yes, but I don't know a thing about my great grandparents.

119. Is there anything really interesting in your family history? Ummmm... my grandma was from the upper-class in Colombia. She married an Italian whom she met briefly in Panama and with whom she kept in touch by letters during the war, and when she was married she was at a loss as to cooking, cleaning, and keeping house as she had been accustomed to maids and servants doing that stuff for her.

120. Is there anyone you trust completely? ...completely...?

121. Do you believe in God? Yes. See Aquinas.

122. Should there be a woman president? Y... I mean, I don't see any reason why *not*

123. Would you rather have an indoor jacuzzi or an outdoor pool? Neither. Just gimme a shower.

124. What things are you interested in that you study/read up on your own? Theology, Archaeology, Eschatology, Williams' Theology of Romantic Love, much Philosophy.

125. Would you consider yourself to be intelligent? To a point. I've walked into open doors, telephone poles, people, walls, and trees, I've tripped up stairs and driven with the handbrake on. How smart can I be? :P

126. Would you consider yourself to be wise? Absolutely not. If only I were! *sighs longingly*

127. Would you donate a hundred dollars to be able to slide into a pool of jello? ewwwww, no!

128. Have you ever spoken to a homeless person? If yes what happened? I, uh... I don't know. Not at any length, I don't think.

129. Have you/would you ever creep into the subway tunnels to go exploring? No, too scary.

130. If you could add 70 years to your life but only by making someone else die 70 years sooner would you? Absolutely not. I don't want to get old, anyway. Foolish as that sounds. And it probably is. [G]

131. Can you finish any of the following lyrics?

a: I dust my lemon lies with powder pink and sweet... uh... no.

b: this girl named carol follows darrel every gig we play... huh?

c: I could make a film and make you my star... that sounds vaguely familiar.

132. Are we having fun yet? Yes, we are. [G]

133. Would you rather be the president or a rock star? A rock star. [G]

134. Have you ever given someone a love letter that you wrote? *thinks* ... Nnnnnnnnnnnno... I wrote someone I loved a letter, but that's not a love-letter. I know I've wanted to write love-letters before, but I've been oh-so-careful. I don't think I ever will.

135. Have you ever sent someone a surprise though the mail? Yes

136. Are you looking forward to any concerts right now? (I WANT TO GO HEAR THE ARMY CHORUS, ALIPIE!!! WHERE/WHEN?) Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... LA BOHEME!!!!! Though we have no tickets or plans... YET. Possibly Kenny Chesney in the summer, but ehhhh, I've been rethinking. [G]

137. What's the best animated movie you've ever seen? Beauty and the Beast, The Emperor's New Groove (I LOVE that movie!)

136. What do you think the world would be like after a nuclear winter? Good gracious!!!

137. Are you a leader or a follower? If a leader is needed, I rise to the occasion.

138. What are the best bands/songs to listen to while driving? Modern pop, something like Creed

138. If your car is decorated then what does it look like? It has a bumper sticker that says (in green) 26 + (in orange) 6 = (icon of Ireland) 1. It has an IRL sticker, it has another that says "not only am I PERFECT, I'm also IRISH", and it's soon to have a "BEAT NAVY" sticker, too. [G] And it's got an American flag on the back. And my license plate is Mara J8.

139. What (to you) is the most amazing accomplishment that anyone has ever accomplished? Rachel Ahern... going to Harvard AND Oxford.... *looks at Rachel adoringly*

140. What could a guy/girl do to impress you? Heck I don't know. Something noble and admirable, surely.

141. About how many emails do you get a day? Um... 5?

How many forwards? Of those five, 3 are usually forwards

142. What's your fav thing to do online besides write in your diary and hang out at this site? Talk to people. Definitely talk to people.

143. Do you believe Kurt Cobain killed himself or was it a conspiracy? Who's Kurt Cobain?

144. Would you rather drive across country or fly? Drive!!!

145. What/who would you bring with you on a road trip? OH!! I think a road trip with Abe and Sarah would be WOOOOT!

146. What will you dress up as this year for Halloween? I want to go as Satine, I wonder if I can bribe Jon to show up in a tux and say he's Christian! [L]

147. At about what age do you think you will be ready to settle down and get married? Depending on the gent... either right out of college (if he were old enough, mature enough, stable enough -- I could see myself accepting him end of junior year), or a year out of college (if he were my age. Well, if he were my age, more likely one and a half to two.

148. Does there REALLY need to be an Austin Powers 3? NO!

149. What movie are you most looking forward to seeing when it comes out? RETURN OF THE KING!!!!! That is going to be such an emotional/religious experience for me, as reading the book is... even if they screw it up, there are things that are so story-essential they CAN'T POSSIBLY mess it up.

150. What is your quest? "I seek the Holy Grail!" (I say this in jest, but the Holy Grail can be many things...)

151. What is louder and more annoying...200 adults talking in a restaurant or one four year old screaming? The 200 adults would DRIVE ME MAD!!! At least one could clap one's hand over the kid's mouth or something but... AUGH!

152. What do you think is up with the Bermuda Triangle? I'm not at liberty to say.

153. Are you jealous of anyone? I don't want to say I'm a jealous person, but jealousy is often difficult to avoid.

154. What is the happiest way you can start your day? Um... *blushes* talking to Jon on the phone... no, happier! There was one time he came to wake me up in the morning.

155. Have you ever had a moment where you felt everything was all right with the world? Oooohhh yes

156. What does it mean when a person is deep? Are you deep? When a person is deep, they comprehend, they understand, they have experience and knowledge. I want to be deep. I think deeply, or so I fancy.

157. What does it mean when a person is spiritual? Are you spiritual? When a person is spiritual, I think it means they have a healthy relationship with the meaphysical (whether they know it or not). I believe I am spiritual, more than i would have admitted last year at this time.

158. What makes people different from animals? We have intellect and will, soul and reason.

157.What makes people different from robots? Robots are a cheap imitation of man who is a noble imitation of God.

159. What does the word 'gay' mean to you? focl... I'm sorry, I'm so corrupt, I can't hear it without it conjuring up images of rainbows...

160. Is it just me or are people getting more and more sensitive and touchy? I wouldn't know. I'm a recluse. *hides*

161. Would you still love and stay with your girl or boy friend if he or she had to have a breast or testicle removed? Real love is not sex-based. While the latter affects fertility and actually is some kind of serious reason to question marriage to the individual (so I've been *told*), *I* wouldn't.

162. Fate or free will? Free will. I mean... duh. :P

163. Are you bored with life and if so why? I make it a policy to be bored never. *avoids splitting infinitives*

What could someone who is bored with life do to fix it? FORCE yourself to be busy. I mean, it's not that hard!

164. Can life change or are we all stuck in vain? Life can always change. There's hope, there's always hope.

How can a person bring about change? Find the opposite virtue and practice it.

165. Are you afraid of change? *looks at Dallas, quakes* YES.

166. Are you a day person or nocturnal? The fact that it's 2:22 am and I'm still filling this out ought to tell you something. :P

167. Can you come up with a good joke to match these punchlines?

a. he didn't want to get snaked. ... no. [G]

b. ‘thanks, God, I really appreciate it, but there's one more thing...can I have my hat back?’ .,... dangit!!! Why is it when I try to think of jokes, the only thing that comes to mind is bawdy stuff? That's probably why I stick to puns. [G] No, I can't. I SUCK. :P

168. Have you ever worked in retail? Not yet [EG]

169. What's the coolest job you ever had? *snort*

170. What's the difference between slavery and being forced to work because everything is so expensive? There's no such thing as "being forced to work because everything is so expensive."

171. Have you ever wanted to be an actor/tress? OFTEN! OFTEN OFTEN OFTEN! ("Waitaminute, waitaminute! Do you mean orphan, one who has lost his parents, or often, frequently?")

172. If you had the power to make one person at your school do anything you want them to for a whole day who would you pick and what would they do? I’d make Abe play the cello for me all day long. (SHUTUP, Alice :P)

173. What star sign are you and what is your sign like? Aquarius. Um. I don't know.

174. Were you scared by the Blair Witch Project? I never saw it.

175. If your teacher gave you a map to do that you didn't want to do would you fold it into a paper hat? ...what? How does one do a map?

176. Do you believe there is something strange going on with the freemasons? Yes, there must be for the Church to say they're wonky... :P

177. Do you like everything to be in widescreen? I do, actually. It's my brother-in-law's fault.

178. Are you a fan of any comic books? Foxtrot, Calvin&Hobbes, Sinfest

179. Do you collect something? BOOKS!!!!!!! and ducks. and cows. and Ireland stuff.

180. Do you usually smell good? Absolutely!

181. Where does love come from? God is Love.

182. Where did your parents tell you babies come from when you were little? I never asked. I did, uh, find a book when I was about ... 6. Then mom tried to give me "the talk" when I was ... oh good gosh, I don't want to think about it. That was horrible. WHY is that ("the talk") a necessary part of life? :P

183. You're taking a 5,000 question survey. *ding* What is "What am I wasting my time doing NOW?"

184. What's the best cheesy 80's song? "I'm Too Sexy"!!!!!

185. What's the best date movie? Ummmmmm..... ARMY PROMOTIONAL VIDEO!!!!! *cracks up, nudges Jon*

186. Do you like to sit in the front, middle or back of the movie theater? "5th row center", my dad's movie theatre motto.

187. Have you ever been inside an abandoned building? Yesish... I think.

188. What's a gutterpunk? Sounds like a particular type of rockstar singer

189. Candles or strobe lights? Strobe lights are way too weird.

190. Who can take a rainbow, wrap it in a sigh, soak it in the sun and make a strawberry lemon pie? Uh... Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds? Or, ooh! Judy in the Sky with Glasses!

191. What besides money can make you extremely happy? Who said money can make me extremely happy? Wisdom I think is the only thing that will ever truly satisfy me in this life.

192. You have to choose. Would you be happier marrying someone rich for their money or living in the streets and subway tunnels with someone you love? Well, it would be irresponsible to marry someone who cannot support me, as readiness for marriage is readiness for children. I refuse to raise children in poverty, where they would be in danger. However, I would never be so shallow as to marry *only* for money.

193. What commercial made you really want to buy something? Anything with the Beatles!!!!!!!!!

194. Have you ever made a snow-something-else? Uhmmmm.... Nnnnnnot that I know of. I'm so unimaginative. [G]

195. If someone wanted to understand you what book should they read that will help them? "Outlines of Romantic Theology", "The Figure of Beatrice" (both by Charles Williams), "The Lord of the Rings" (Tolkien), the Summa Theologica, the Nichomachean Ethics, Peter Pan, "An Experiment in Criticism", "The Four Loves" (Lewis), the Complete Works of William Shakespeare, the Wisdom books of the Bible, "Cyrano de Bergerac" (Edmund Rostand), "Les Miserables" (Victor Hugo), the complete poems of Emily Dickenson and TS Eliot. That about sums me up. Oh, and some Ovid (Metamorphoses) and Homer.

196. When was the last time someone called you crazy and why? Uhhhhhhh............. I think Jon said I was...

197. Are you a space cadet? "I am an Army Cadet. Soon I will take an oath and become an Army Officer committed to defending the values which make this nation great. Honor is my touchstone. I understand mission first and people always.I am the past -- the spirit of those warriors who have made the final sacrifice. I am the present -- the scholar and apprentice soldier enhancing my skills in the science of warfare and the art of leadership. But above all, I am the future -- the future warrior leader of the United States Army. May God give me the compassion and judgment to lead and the gallantry in battle to win... I will do my duty." *sob* ok I'm not in ROTC yet...

198. Are you magically delicious? HEY! CAN'T YOU READ THE SIGN???? *points to sign reading "Magically Delicious"* (rofl, no really, I have a Lucky Charms pj set and the shirt says that on it ...)

199. If you could wish for one object (nothing alive, no money) that was the size of your computer monitor or smaller and it would appear right now what would it be? A transportation device much like the stuff on Star Trek, but smaller and able to transport people back and forth several times.

200. What does 'if wishes were horses beggars would ride' mean? Wishing ain't doing. Get off your butt and DO something!!!!

201. What is a 'ninny'? Noooooo idea.

202. What is a 'hootnanny'? FOCL WHAT the HECK?

203. Would you rather be remembered for having done something for humanity or being a really nice person? Are the two of necessity mutually exclusive?

204. Which is more important...intelligence or niceness? Intelligence is useful if not engaged by the volitional powers.

205. Your best friend and your boy/girlfriend are in the hospital at the same time. Who do you visit first? Uh. Oh gosh. Who have I known the longest? Well... my boyfriend, I'd say. One has more of a spoken and concrete bond (comparatively, I don't mean like a marriage, but it is kind of the step below that) ... oh... uh... dang I don't know. No, still I'd say my boyfriend. Hey wait -- my boyfriend IS my best friend! HA!

206. What kind of person do you really want to be? I want to be intelligent and cunning and wise and witty, and I want to pass this on to others.

207. If you are no longer a virgin, do you wish you still were? I *am* a virgin. Thank heaven, too, since I'm not married nor have I ever been. *breaks into "Like A Virgin", ala Zidler...*

208. What makes you cry? Too much stuff, lately, it seems. :P

209. What is your favorite song from the 90's? *thinks* ... Ace of Base "I Saw the Sign"? I'm not sure... I don't know too many 90s songs...

210. If you were in alphabet soup what letter would you be? in alphabet *soup* I'd like to be an R. I always liked the Rs.

211. Do you believe in fairies, ghosts, aliens, angels, dwarves, elves, etc? I want to believe in fairies. I almost do. I don't believe in ghosts or aliens. Angels yes, dwarves and elves... to a point. In a Tolkienian way. Almost metaphysically.

212. What makes you want to be someone’s friend? Admirable qualities, attractive/similar personality

213. Are you annoying? Yeeeeeessssss... :P

214. Are you amazing? *breaks into Paul McCartney* "Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time, maybe I'm suprised at the way I love you..."

215. How would you like to be a pilot? I used to want to be a pilot. Heck, I used to want to be in the Air Force. But then I actually went on a plane and discovered I hate flying.

216. What's your favorite video game? Ummmmmmm..... Chip's Challenge!!! A dorky, dorky, dorky Windows game, they don't put it on computers anymore, but it was SO ADDICTIVE... and I never finished it.

217. Have you ever taken something that wasn't yours? We all have, at some point. Uh. Family stuff doesn't count...

218. When was the last time someone called you crazy and why? This is the same question as #196. :P

219. Do you think your parents read your FOD? (or blog, I assume) No... but when I go away to college, I think I'll create another, which I'll allow/want them to read.

220. Hot steamy bubble bath or quick in and out shower? BUBBLE BAAAAAATH!

221. Are you allergic to anything? Ummmmm not that I know of.

222. Don't you just hate stupid people? Urge to kill... RISING...

223. How can we help people to be less stupid? *snort* apparently it wouldn't do YOU much good if I told you... (*is mean*)

224. What would someone have to do to get you to never speak to them again? Unrepentant anything, or emotional dependancy.

225. Would (or have) you ever whip/be whipped by someone in bed? What kind of sick and twisted question is THAT?

226. Have you ever said ‘I hate everyone’? hahahaa... yeaaaahhhhhh.....

227. Where is the tenderness? In the middle of medium-rare beef....

228. Have you ever won a carnival fish? No *cries*

229. Did it live more than a week? ...

230. What's the best sounding accent a person can have? Whew!!! ummm... it REALLY depends. I love the French accent, but only if they speak French. I love an Italian accent, too, and certain types of British accents are also pleasing. I can't say I care for German or Russian accents.

231. Would you stab a parapalegic in the leg if he gave you a dollar? Gross! No!

232. Do you prefer buttons or touch screens? Buttons. Touch screens get more visibly dirty. *ew, dirty!*

233. What will the future be like? Dear Lord, PLEASE don't put that question to me!

234. Are you naive? Dreadfully so, I'm afraid. I will say I am not as naive as some.

235. Which of your friends is most likely to go to jail? LAFE, FOR STALKING. :PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

236. You know how they release different themed monopoly games? what?

237. Would you wear real fur? No, too ostentatious, like "OOH LOOK AT ME - I'M RICH!"

238. Arachnophobia or Eight Legged Freaks? *cries* you're going to give me nightmares!!!!!!

239. Do you like or loathe cops and why? I, unfortunately, am intimidated by them. They're in uniform. Men in uniform above the elligible age are intimidating.

240. Do your pets eat better than you do? My parakeet eats way better (i.e. both quantatively and qualitatively more) than I do.

241. Are you a weather weenie? Not at all.

242. Do you like the band front 242? Never heard of them.

243. Share a nugget of joy with us: BE PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN!!! America is the best and we Americans are born privileged, moreso than we will probably ever know!

244. What's your middle name? I'm not going to just blurt it out here!

245. Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter? LOTR! Harry Potter is cute, but LOTR is *profound*. I've never cried at Harry Potter. I weep for the beauty, virtue, profundity, wisdom, and mythical longing in LOTR.

246. Are you good, evil or neutral? I'd REALLY like to shake things up a bit and say I'm evil, but I think I'm facing the facts lately that I'm a goody two-shoes. :P I don't even swear. *sigh* j/k [G] (about the sighing, I mean, not the swearing!!!!! geeeeeeeze....)

247. Can you speak ebonics? focl... Abe and Sarah and I ... are SO NOT GETTO, YO! don't give us no shizat about dat, or we come WANKIN, HOMIES! WOOT! Word, yo.

248. What color is your bedroom? PERIWINKLE!!!! No, there's not enough blue for Periwinkle... it's a lovely shade of lavendar.

what color would you like it to be? Eric said once "Iridescent" [G]

249. Are you moving out soon? *looks at Dallas, quakes*

250. What floats? "apples!" "very small rocks!" ...."a DUCK!"

251. Britney Spears and Marilyn Manson are standing side by side. You have a loaded gun and only one bullet. What do you do? Manson first, undoubtedly he's got weapons on him, being the more savage of the two...

252. Do you want to follow in your parent's footsteps? ...yyyyyes and no. My mom did a good job raising us kids, I think. My dad... I want to imitate a few things he does, but not all. I want to raise my kids like mom raised us, but better. I don't want to be either of their professions.

253. What is the coolest website listed on bored.com? I refuse to go look. [G]

254. Which cartoon would you most like to see turned into a movie? THE SIMPSONS!!!!!!!

255. Which would you most like to compete in?

A spelling bee: "Look at me, I'm a MORON! I wasn't even CLOSE! I was using NUMBERS and stuff!" I always did admire the kid who would purposefully spell a word wrong, "Cat, K-A-T, I'm outta here." Then he'd pass by you going "ha, I know there's two ts!"

A read-a-thon

A math meet

A science fair ("Yer breakin some new ground there, Copernicus!") THE BIG YELLOW ONE IS THE SUN!

A geography bee

256. How good at using chopsticks are you? I'm no oriental, but I can eat rice with them which, in my opinion, is pretty good... *puffs self up*

257. If groundhogs retired from groundhog's day what animal should take its place? um... THE BIG YELLOW ONE IS THE SUN!

258. Should students have to wear school uniforms? I think all schools should have dress codes, and a good deal MORE of them should have uniforms, but not all. *wants to go to West Point*

259. What ancient civilization would you most like to visit? Ancient Rome. Hands down.

260. What would be the best name for a new Crayola color? PERIWINKLE! THE BIG YELLOW ONE IS THE SUN!

261. What goes best with peanut butter? CRUTONS!!!! "MMMM! LUNCH AND NO CLEANUP! CAN LIFE GET BETTER? I submit that it canNOT!"

262. If you were president, who would sing at your inauguration? PAUL MCCARTNEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

263. Would you rather ride on a giraffe or an elephant? I'd rather ride on a ... a.... FLASHY SPORTSCAR!!!!!!!!!

264. If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go? Inflation. JohnE and I had long and very, very confusing discussion on world economics. *eyes cross*

265. Do you ever feel alone in this world? Too often.

266. Who knows more...you or your parents? They have knowledge which comes from age, I have a wholly different and sometimes new and illuminating perspective on things.

267. What instrument would you like to be famous for playing? Hmmm.... I love the violin, but I don't think I would want to be a famous violinist. I would want to be famous for something interesting, like the Irish Uellian pipes or the sitar ("...and she falls in love with the penniless wr-- uh.. the... penniless... SITAR-PLAYER!")

268. If sex was like eating an apple, how many apples would you eat a day? You know, this is really interesting, given what CS Lewis said in "Till We Have Faces" about loving and devouring, how loving is often like devouring, and both are like different kinds of death. This latter perspective is very medieval, and the way he shows loving and devouring (Orual loved Barida, and "devoured" his life, Eros loved Psyche and "devoured" her mortality, etc). No I'm not going to answer this question.

269. Would you have sex with a stranger for 1 million dollars? Absolutely not.

270. What makes a good present for Valentine's Day? Flowers, poetry, books, movies.

271. Which is more romantic...buying flowers and sending them or bringing over flowers that are hand picked? Flowers are flowers-- GIMME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

272. Out of all celebrities who needs a fashion makeover? You know, Rachel Weiczs (or however you spell her name -- the girl from "The Mummy") is not NEARLY as pretty in person, which is sad, because I thought she was GORGEOUS in "The Mummy".

273. Is Madonna still beautiful? Not really.

274. Do you believe a celebrity when they are endorsing a product? It really depends. If it's someone like Harrison Ford endorsing helecopters, then ... yeah. [G] something you know they know something about.

275. Are movies getting too violent? I believe they are, especially when the violence is for its won sake.

276. Does fashion matter? Not intrinsically, but it does, say, if you NEED to impress (i.e., job interview *stares at phone, waits for it to ring*)

277. Should politicians be held to the same legal standards as everyone else? ...they're not??

278. What do you get in trouble for the most? I don't get in trouble. *polishes halo*

279. Should parents spank their kids? If they deserve it!

280. What is your worst daily habit? Getting up too late. :P

281. If you had your choice which one tv show would you have cancelled? "The Man Show." Nuff said.

282. Do you like the taste of sweet or salt? Sweet, I can tolerate that more than salt.

283. If you loved someone how would they know? I should hope I could show it by my actions.

284. What do you feel the most guilty about? profaning the sacred, telling a lie

285. Do you meditate? Yes, indeed I do.

286. Is a dream a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep? Wow, I swear I was going to write that earlier this survey when asked about the dream that came true. The good ones are, I think. But then there are some horrifying things I've dreamed. I don't know HOW they came out of my subconscious, I'd be ashamed to admit to having any part of them. I can't believe that my subconscious or any part of me wished or desired that in any way. I think part of the reason I occasionally loathe myself is for this reason, my subconscious, my frightening dreams.

287. What is your favorite Disney movie? Emperor's New Groove, Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid

288. What are you doing tonight? Tonight's over. It's 3am. :P

289. What's the most incredible experience you ever had? Oh wow... I can't even say.

290. Is your life like a movie? No, too boring.

291. Do you love or hate the telephone? I love it, certes. [EG]

292. What is one thing you can't do? Dance, sing, be ghetto :P COUNT!!!! ("there are three kinds of people in this world, those who can count, and those who can't)

293. Are you kind hearted? Too subjective... I dunno.

294. Are you gentle? Again, I dunno.

295. Has your best friend ever been your worst enemy? Unfortunately, it's turned that way once or twice.

296. Is everyone the same? *in unison* We're all individuals!

297. Have you found yourself? I'm not entirely sure.

298. Are you sleepy? Right now? yesssss.. it's late.


300. How're you doing so far? I'm annoyed Alice didn't post more so I can write more :P actually no I'm not... I want to sleep now! *does so*
posted by Lauren, 3:30 AM | link | 0 comments

{Monday, April 21, 2003  }

Oh, also -- notice, I put a thingie at the bottom of my blog where you can post comments if you so desire.
posted by Lauren, 3:24 PM | link | 0 comments

grr... post, darnit! ... theeeeeeeere we go!
posted by Lauren, 3:05 PM | link | 0 comments

Shhhhh... be vewwy vewwy quiet, I'm huntin' jobs! huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh! Yes, I've applied to Barnes and Nobles (where I REALLY want to work), Blockbuster, Old Navy, Bath and Body Works, Lindt chocolate, Zales, and Kay Jewelers. I've yet to turn in my application for Starbucks and then I'm done. I did all this before Wednesday last week, and I'm still waiting on-edge for phonecalls. I neeeeeed a job this summer, and I need one outside of the family's place of employment. I need my own responsibilities and new and different opportunities, I need to be pushed and stretched, especially this senior year before I go off to college! Also I need money. I's po'. I's broke. And I want to fly myself home at least every other month, or fly Jon down to see me in Dallas once in a while. If I make minimum wage, I ought to be able to do that. However I was HOPING to start work THIS week -- like, today. Argh. CALL ME BACK, SOMEBODY! *cries*

I've started to read Once an Eagle. It is SUCH a good book. I can't wait to read more, but school's started again and I will have no time for personal reading again. :P

Thursday was Holy Thursday, I dressed up and went to church at St. Francis, which was *beautiful*. Aside from the Easter Vigil, my favorite pat of Holy Week is the Eucharistic procession which follows the Mass of the Lord's Supper. We knelt, the church was dark, and the priest and at least 16 altar boys processed around the church with candles and incense, chanting the Pange Lingua, from which comes the Tantum Ergo that I love so much.

Friday being Good Friday, I also went to church then. I'll confess that, since Good Friday isn't a mass, and since it's a hard liturgy, it's probably my least favorite church day of the whole year. I'll confess I've never once looked forward to it, even rather dreaded it once or twice, but afterwards I'm always very moved, and grateful that I've gone. I think it would be different if it were a Mass. I don't know. One thing that I do love, is that every year we sing "O Sacred Head Surrounded." There are a few songs in this world which, if I pay them the attention they deserve, they will always move me to tears, and this is one of them.

O sacred head surrounded
By crown of piercing thorn!
O bleeding head so wounded
Reviled and put to scorn!
Death's pallid hue comes o'er thee
The glow of life decays
Yet angel hosts adore thee
And tremble as they gaze.

I see thy strength and vigor
All fading in the strife
And Death with cruel rigor
Bereaving thee of life.
O agony and dying!
O love to sinners free!
Jesus, all grace supplying,
O turn thy face on me!

In this thy bitter passion
Good Shepheard, think of me
In thy most sweet compassion
Unworthy though I be!
Beneath thy cross abiding
Forever would I rest
In thy dear love confiding
And with thy presence blest.

The next day, I think all I did was talk on the phone and go to the Easter vigil. I lovelovelove the Easter vigil, it is undoubtedly my favorite Mass of the whole entire year. One arrives, and the church is dark, though not barren as it has been for Holy Thursday and Good Friday. Upon being given a candle, the congregation that so wishes goes outside for the blessing of the fire and the lighting of the Easter fire. The light is passed to those wish candles, divided though undimmed, and we process back into the still-dim church which now carries only the glow of our candles, where the Exultet is sung. The Exultet is something I've loved since I was a child. Entirely chanted/sung, it proclaims such great joy at the resurrection of Christ, and I love the way it sounds. After we extinguish our candles, the church is once again brightly lit, and the Gloria is sung in all its majesty. Then there are the readings: there are usually seven, though occasionally shortened to only five -- the first creation account from Genesis, the trial of Abraham, the passover, two beautiful readings from Isaiah, one from Baruch, and one from Ezekiel. Much standing/sitting ensues, sometimes nicknamed "Catholic aerobics" [L]. I'm explaining this whole thing very ill for one unfamiliar with the Vigil, and I beg you forgive me, but I have only limited time. [g] The whole thing is very joyful and so ancient, it is this Mass where one can feel Tradition with all five senses, vivid and bright as day. After this Mass, one wants to stand up and declare, "YES!!! I am CATHOLIC and I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!" It's such an amazing, joyful, and moving experience! It is so Beatific I must be like Dante in his Paradisio and again beg forgiveness at being unable to describe it in all its glory.

I spent all yesterday reading Till We Have Faces by CS Lewis for APE class tomorrow. I love that book, the first time I got it, I was literally unable to put it down until I had read it all. I started it at 6pm that evening and finished it at 6am. I almost did the same last night, but I got tired and fell asleep in it. I only have about 20 pages left. It's an amazing book, though I can't say why. It's very dark and earthy... the perfect example of the chthonic. Lewis, for all his beautiful fairyland Narnia stuff, could write some dark and frightening, even scandalous stuff. And much as I love Lewis, the more I read of the fiction and philosophy of his colleagues Tolkein and Williams, I see how... well I don't want to say superior, because that would be, as Tyler says, A) blasphemy, 2) unfair comparison, as they wrote in different genres for different audiences. I love Lewis' philosophy, The Four Loves is my favorite thing he wrote, I think. But... I don't know. I love Lewis, I always have and always will, but the last of my childish perceptions of reality are changing, and he's not quite the god my 8-year-old mind made him out to be. Ten years later I see that, but it's taken me this long. I just hope ten more years down the road, I won't think the same things about the other gods enshrined in my esteem, though I know it's likely to happen. Alas for growing up! I've been watching far too much Peter Pan lately, and I remember the days when I was much younger, and all I wanted to do was fly away with Peter Pan. Thinking about those younger, more innocent days, I long for them, yet despise them at the same time as I had not the wisdom I have now. I prize wisdom above all else, and when I say I have wisdom, I do not mean I have any great amount, as that would be shockingly and unworthily prideful to say so, but I can honestly say I have at least a miniscule amount. LOL I talk as if wisdom is something that can be measured out in bushels and pecks and the like. But surely you understand me.

My time is up... must go. Waxed far too poetical. :P
posted by Lauren, 2:28 PM | link